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Andrea writes about a recent visit to the San Pedro Aquarium:
There, all by itself, was a lone sea horse. And above it? A bold sign and makeshift shrine, announcing it as "The Sea Animal Of The Moment."Brett was taken aback that the aquarium would have the nerve to designate one of its charges as the "It Girl" of the entire place. Me? Not so much. Life is cruel. It's dog eat dog. Seahorse eat jellyfish. Shit happens.
The seahorse knew it was the animal of the moment. I don't know what sex it was, but I will say that it had its tail wrapped around an underwater plant and was sort of fawning nonchalance, like the hot girl at the party who stakes out the spot next to the banister and leans on its rail so that everyone has to pass her on the way to the keg. The seahorse soaked in its fabulousness, wondering when Elisha Cuthbert's managers were going to call and realize they had yesterday's pie on their hands, and that the real deal was down near the port. [more>]
The UglyZoo: an uneven gallery of photoshopped chimaeras. Scrolling through them, I rated each collaged animal on a scale of "harmless" to "desperately evil"; I wasn't even aware of what I was doing, but my fight-or-flight response is, despite always prompting flight, strong and swift. The lesson I learned, after averaging my instinctive ratings: beaks are sharp; a bird's eyes display no knowledge of sympathy; simians are silly; and all cats have a borderline personality disorder.
(But, mainly, birds are evil and if they were bigger, would rule us all, patrolling the streets with badges and a self-righteous swagger. They'd have awful, thoughtless tempers, and feel no compunction tearing apart children who are on the streets after curfew. The birds would also, very often, turn against each other, keeping us still in our beds at 4 am, listening to the long score of prehistoric, squacking, mid-air battles.
In the morning, we'd be forced to clean up the loser's remains: a full claw under blinking traffic lights in an empty intersection; clumps of feathers and red skin on doorsteps and playgrounds; feathers scattered like autumn leaves at the fight's epicenter.
Most of our cars would have roofs punctured by the birds' claws. Driving, we often see birds riding on cars, a military presence asserting itself. The birds shit on our cars, too, without compunction, and, often, neighbors, too disheartened to clean the mess, abandon their cars in their driveways. That's usually the first sign of a neighbor's depression, and, after that, we might only see the neighbor stepping back from her bedroom window, replacing her worn, anxious expression with the curtains.)
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But to the degree that my blog was a serialized publication of my favorites folder, it lacked focus. My blog's categories were, and still are, confusingly diverse. And, while each category has maintained my personal interest, I often feel that some of them -- "twisted toys," "evil animals" -- undermine my attempts to steer this blog towards more (at least half-)serious commentary on culture and the arts. Like a 12-yr old feeling compelled, upon entering middle school, to trade up her toys for more "mature" activities, I've been planning to use my (almost here!) redesign as an opp. to give up, at last, my old, frivolous categories.
But then, I come across something like Worth 1000's "Evil Animals" Photoshop Contest: "If you have a warped sense of humor, as I do, you no doubt look at all the cute animals in the world and see them for what they really are: deceitful little cretins that will murder you the second you turn your back." And then, nostalgia hits. From the rabid squirrel that lived in my front yard and refused to let my family pass, resulting in my occasionally missing first period, to the more rabid squirrel that sometimes chased us during cross country races and improved our team's performance, evil animals never strayed far from my mind when I was growing up. And, like the lightning bolts that assured Greeks of Zeus's presence, regular appearances of quick furry evil things can still reconfirm my personal religion of exciting and easily excited paranoia.
And, really: why should I feel guilty posting links to sites about evil animals when I actively seek out examples of anthropomorphic food? Evil squirrels and rabbits are the necessary flipside of smiling meat products; the latter represents our culture's pronoia, and the prior, its counter-balance: paranoia. One is shaped or encouraged by advertisements' anthropomorphism (those products are smiling because they want you to eat them), and the other resists and inverts any cultural sense of mastery or comfort.
But both, probably equally, tell you that you're special. If animals always choose you for their ankle-prey, despite your being surrounded by a group of fifty, you know that your life has been marked for adventure. Some of my most exciting (action-packed) memories from childhood include: a deranged poodle chasing me on my tricycle; a neighbor's attack-puppy chasing my family around our own house; and an afternoon in the pool during which mating dragonflies swooped at our heads everytime we tried to surface for air. Evil animals keep our instincts sharp, the drama fresh, and, most importantly, teach us that, even in life-and-death situations, we can have the last laugh. Because, after all, animals can swoop, jump, claw, and bite, but they can't laugh.
I might axe in my redesign is 'evil animals.'
Sam and I went to New Jersey, where I met his mother's side of the family. Sam's cousin and his wife have just launched a pet-oriented dating site, kissykat.com, "where people who love their pets find love."
What comes first, I wonder: owning four cats, or needing a date?
The cousin and wife currently own one cat, recently diagnosed with cancer, and plan to get two more in the near future. They're in talks to get Savannah cats, a new breed created by crossing the wildest of domestic cats (usually, Bengals) with the African serval. These new cats are huge; they can be walked on a leash and "show their affection by eagerly giving a welcoming 'head-butt' where they literally bump heads with you to say hello!" I have a morbid imagination, and immediately saw images of the Savannahs terrorizing the cancer-stricken cat by pretending to pounce on it from off the top of bookshelves.
"Michael Linley was arrested by customs officials at Perth International Airport in Western Australia state Monday, after more than 200 live reptiles and frogs were found in his suitcases, along with insects." [more>]
An organized online aquarium, in 2D and 3D.
Siegfried and Roy have "performed in Las Vegas for more than 30 years, gaining worldwide celebrity for a magic show involving exotic animals, most famously white tigers." Last night, a white tiger lunged at Roy and dragged him off the stage. It wasn't part of the act, though people thought it was.
And again, real life is predated by the Simpsons.
The rats frequently attack people and young children are especially vulnerable. Sanitary services are unable to deal with the situation. "The enormous amount of rats cannot be estimated," he said. The rats are not susceptible to typical poisons. An Uzbek specialist bred the species by crossing an ordinary rat with a muskrat, he said. [more>]
sea dragons, images and video
via lightcycle
"Facts" culled from the internet about our Demi-loving friend, the dolphin:
-Humans, dolphins and Bonobo Chimpanzees are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (source)
-When dolphins sleep, they sleep in a semi-alert state by resting one side of their brain at a time. (source)
-Every dolphin has its own signature whistle to distinguish itself from its companions. (source)
-Dolphins can act as women's mid-wives. (source and account)
-Dolphins can "see" a woman's pregnancy. Dolphin sonar passes through water and does not reflect until it hits something like bone or air sacs. Since animal bodies are more than 50% water, their sonar enables them to "see" inside other animals. (source)
-Humans with ailments ranging from cerebral palsy to cancer experience marked remission or other measures of improvement following personal exposure to dolphins. (source)
-Dolphins' ultrasonic emissions can reach an intensity capable of destroying or reorganizing living tissue. (source)
-The research group Aquathought has found that 80% of people who swim with dolphins have a change in brain wave patterns from beta to theta states of consciousness. This explains why many participants experience states of bliss, ecstasy, deep peace, and a sense of well being. (source)
-Dolphin brains are always synchronized between left and right hemispheres. Human brains are not – but are found to become synchronized after swimming with dolphins. This phenomena has been known to support altered states of consciousness, and even out of body experiences. (source)
-It is believed that dolphins “see” holographically and so experience themselves as part of a whole, instead of the individuated identity that we have. That means they also see us in our wholeness. (source)
Demi's plastic surgery pays off…beetles build new lives…atheist monkeys…can a robot shark learn to love?
174 Feral Chihauhaus:
These "purse-sized dogs," "on death row," "have prompted a war of words" between "rival Chihuahua rescue groups." Says one group: "They are pack animals and as pack animals are dangerous."
"Some experts have also warned that the adorable lap dogs, made wild by years of inbreeding and roaming in packs in the home of their elderly owner, were closer to miniature wolves than the cute breed made famous as the Taco Bell mascot."
For those worried that their dog won't look the part, the salon sells a selection of accoutrements for the occasion, including dog prayer shawls and yarmulkes tailored to fit over dog ears. And yes, they come in small, medium and large."It's mostly Reform and Conservative Jews who come here to celebrate a rite of passage for their dog," Roth said. [more>]
How many times have I watched my dogs lick their own private parts and thought-- yes, what they really need is more flexibility.
As a crowd of onlookers grew, the women stretched their dogs -- all of them on the small side -- to the left and the right and lifted them in their arms like furry weights. From time to time, they paused to pull the wandering dogs back to their mats and shush their barks.
"Give him a little love," yoga instructor Suzi Teitelman, 31, told her students. "Come forward, give him a kiss," Teitelman instructed as she leaned over her own spaniel, 2-year-old Coaly.
The class, sponsored by national fitness chain Crunch, grew out of Coaly climbing on her owner's yoga mat at home, Teitelman said. "Yoga came from the animals. It's natural instinct," she said. [more>]
anthropomorphic taxidermies
link via Geisha asobi
-almost-fried chicken and fried squirrel
-Square up your Squirrel (and Turned On Squirrels)
-Top 11 Animal Attack Movies and Night of The Lepus ("Giant mutant rabbits terrorize the Southwest.")
-Today, Quasimeta has animal links.
see more evil animal links ---->
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a tractor-trailer in possession of dangerous cargo must be in want of a tipping over. Josh's dirty peaches links to the rule's most current non-exception:
CLAYCOMO, Mo. -- Crews said about 25 million honeybees were inadvertently released after a tractor-trailer wrecked on an area highway over the weekend. Monday evening, about 12 million bees remained on the loose, KMBC's Bev Chapman reported.
"More than 90 dead tigers, including 58 cubs stuffed into freezers, were discovered at the Riverside County home of a noted animal rescuer by authorities who also uncovered a menagerie of malnourished animals roaming the property."
Thirsty baboons attack girls in Kenya for water
Back at home, I have two wonderful dogs, Tillie and Sammy. So, when I read about Dog Island, I immediately thought of them: would they be happy there?
Over 2,500 dogs are already enjoying a better life at Dog Island. Separated from the anxieties of urban life, dogs on Dog Island live a natural, healthy and happy life.
They live with almost limitless space, and tens of thousands of rabbits, rodents and other natural prey. Surrounded by thousands of other dogs, this is the only place for them to be truly social and create healthy families.
My dog is very high strung and often gets into fights with other dogs. I can control this now, but what happens when fights break out on the island?
Fights break out occassionally, but this is not a real issue, because eventually, the dogs learn to get along. Every now and then some dogs gang up and kill and then eat another dog, but this is just natural, and it's okay for it to happen now and then, but normally this is not the case.
Girl fights python to save kitten27mar03
A SIX-year-old girl became the first female to receive the RSPCA's humane award for saving her kitten from a predatory python.
Marlie Coleman did not think twice about taking on the scrub python when it wrapped its jaws around her kitten Sooty in their Cairns backyard earlier this year.The sharp-toothed python let go of the kitten, but attached itself to Marlie's lip, hanging on until her mother heard the screams and shook it off.
Her mother, Shakira, remembers seeing Marlie standing on the barbecue with a snake attached to her face, bleeding and sobbing "Snake trying to eat Sooty".
RSPCA Queensland chief executive officer Mark Townend said Marlie's only concern on her way to hospital after the attack was for the kitten.
"The RSPCA does not want to see children place themselves in danger," Mr Townend said.
"However, this little girl, who was only five at the time, showed exceptional bravery.
"Marlie performed a selfless and courageous act on behalf of her kitten friend and she has captured the spirit of animal welfare."[more>]
A while ago, I linked to SDL, the Squirrel Defamation League. Today, I discovered an equally good site-- a scary squirrel world.
Some schoolday mornings while I was in high school a rabid squirrel would appear at the top of the stairs leading to our front door. Sometimes the squirrel wouldn't let us pass, or it would chase my brother down the stairs, trying to bite him. So, yes, squirrels are evil.
Related entries: Nature's Suicide Bombers, April 27, 2002; Animals Attack!, June 11, 2002; killer squirrel update, June 16, 2002.
You might have noticed one of my categories is Evil Animals. I should probably trash it, and use that spare cup for a new category. But, until then, here's the headline of a story found on Fark:
Parents of Baby Attacked by Raccoon in Court
Des Moines, October 16, 2002 - A 2-month-old child is recovering after it was attacked and bitten by a raccoon. The family was keeping the animal as a family pet. Two-month-old Elijha Evans is in critical condition at Blank Children's Hospital. The infant had to undergo hours of reconstructive surgery as a result of the raccoon biting off the boy's nose and lips. [more>]This is so horrible. I want to throw up.
Theme Park Insider Watch. Collects and organizes data on theme park accidents. Example: 7/31/2002 - The Shamu Adventure (Sea World San Diego)
A 28-year-old female trainer suffered a broken arm when she was dragged into the water by two killer whales--Splash, a 12-year-old male, and Orkid, a 13-year-old female.
Rats Invade Beverly Hills "Add in the severe drought and you have rats commuting to the neighborhoods with low-hanging fruit, exotic gardens and patios, with their outdoor parties and exquisite crumbs."
"[The] rats are indomitable survivors. They can wiggle through a hole the size of a quarter. They can jump two feet high and eight feet long. Able to swim a half-mile and tread water for three days, they can survive being flushed down a toilet and have been found alive in a block of ice. Rats can chew through metal, wood and concrete, which is necessary to their survival because their incisors grow five inches a year, and left unchecked, their teeth would grow through the roofs of their mouths. They breed voraciously and are said to have 15,000 descendants before they die in a year."
When I was nine and living in Beverly Hills, rats made a nest under my bed. I thought a monster lived there, and no amount of bladder pressure could induce me to put my feet on the floor in the middle of the night. My parents thought I was being a baby until the rats started following my mother around the kitchen.
article of the day: "Maybe he smelled chicken 'cause I didn't wash my hands after I ate." (Thanks, Josh)
Other resources:
-what to do when birds attack
-list of Simpsons episodes in which animals attack
-uses for dead squirrels
-the All Squirrels Must Die homepage
-man suffers multiple leg fractures in goose attack
-animal attack files from around the globe
Growing up in Beverly Hills inspired many nightmares. For example, battling a Giant Poodle.
Man has 25-foot long hive in house, ignores it until bees start attacking.
Swimmers are warned to avoid playing with horny dolphin.
Mike the headless chicken. Headless and happy for 18 months.
Catharine, this is what happens to unhappy kitties.
From a wonderful NY Times article:
The war on the northern pike is not over. Far from it. Armies of pike ó better known here as saw-tooth Satan spawns ó still occupy Lake Davis, five years after California officials thought they would have them licked, five years into an escalating and increasingly desperate campaign of poisoning, electrocution and even, in recent weeks, precision bombing.
"We're open to anything," said Mr. Martarano, who recalled the time someone suggested harnessing lightning and electrocuting the pike ("we actually looked into it") and the time someone suggested throwing pike-eating frogs in the lake (the frogs wouldn't bite).
winners of the I-look-like-my-dog contest
For a while, rabid squirrels wouldn't let my brother down the front door steps. Also--once, during a cross country race, a rabid squirrel started running after Alison Hiles, a gentle-mannered friend of mine. She wasn't a very good runner, but she ran faster. Now, according to yahoo news, the squirrels in California are no longer rabid; they are now suicidal.
