Over the past two days, I've deleted more than 100 blog comments by spammers. But, rather than think on the time wasted by my DIY resistance to MT-Blacklist, I prefer to finally acknowledge that spammers are some of my most loyal and bright comment-ers. More importantly, no other group of writers is so devoted to the art of the aphorism -- trying to revive it and reintroduce it to popular culture. Here, the aphorisms posted by spammers in only the past twenty-four hours:
Advertising
-Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission.
Dreams
-Both dreams and people crash down.
Ethics
-Ethics is not necessarily the handmaiden of theology.
Foresight
-People who do not think far enough ahead inevitably have worries near at hand.
Freedom
-You are free and that is why you are lost.
-He who gives up freedom for security deserves neither.
Friends
-The shifts of Fortune test the reliability of friends.
Genius
-Genius hath electric power which earth can never tame.
Gifts & Giving
-One must be poor to know the luxury of giving.
-There is no benefit in the gifts of a bad man.
Gratitude
-Gratitude is born in hearts that take time to count up past mercies.
-Gratitude is merely the secret hope of further favors.
Humility
-The professor makes the syllabus, not you.
Ideas
-Ideas on Earth are badges of friendship or enmity.
Inertia
-Inertia is not limited to matter.
Knowledge
-The important thing isn't doing, but knowing how you do it.
-You cannot learn without already knowing.
Life
-Often the test of courage is not to die, but to live.
Love
-With love comes strange currencies.
-'Love -- a grave mental disease.' Plato
Mind
-'Of course' is cyanide of the mind.
Morality
-Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what's right.
Newness
-Newness is relative.
Other
-That which does not kill us makes us stranger.
Pain
-Anyone can learn from pain.
Passion
-To be a human without passion is to be dead.
People
-Don't worry that other people don't know you; worry that you don't know other people.
-There are no weird people - some just require more understanding.
-People are just smart enough to not be happily ignorant.
-People are exponentially funnier when they're in rant mode.
Prosperity
-When prosperity comes, do not use all of it.
Religion
-Believing in God does not require believing in religion.
Speech
-Only when we have nothing to say do we say anything at all.
Tolerance
-Please remember that the labels are your own.
Travel
-A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.
Virtue
-Virtue never stands alone. It is bound to have neighbors.
Wisdom
-Some nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.
World
-The world is a beautiful book for those who can read it.
Posted by nchicha at May 3, 2004 04:01 PM | TrackBackAhhhh, I've been getting bombarded by fellow compatriots who speak of Poverty ("Ain't no disgrace to be poor - but might as well be") and Uncertainty ("It's never right to say always, and always wrong to say never") and other such topics.
Posted by: Ron on May 3, 2004 07:08 PMAnd then there's the poetry of spam names...
Posted by: Prentiss Riddle on May 4, 2004 03:34 PMAdvertising is such a godawful soul deadening business. But wasn't Thirtysomething -- during the Reagan 80s -- such an amazing thing?
Posted by: Ron Mwangaguhunga on May 4, 2004 06:21 PMI got this message last week from one Rose Bush (GW's lost sister?):
integument bilinear affluent bridgeable flush chili codeposit bellicose domingo embedder budgetary fiddlestick coriander claimant concurrent cryptanalyze elizabeth disembowel axolotl advent sidewinder
bonfire impregnable haitian cadillac croupier hyman keynesian closure escape emory imprint latera flea rand impression
Randomly generated words, or beat poetry? I love finding the hidden phrases in Rose's message: You "budgetary fiddlestick," get away from me with your "impregnable haitian cadillac," or I'll have to carry out the dual command to "cryptanalyze elizabeth, disembowel axolotl." Yikes! Chill, Rose! Sounds like somebody needs some keynesian closure!
So NATHALIE: Irish Blood, English Heart is out today. I assume you downloaded all 4 tracks instantly. I just got back from Amoeba with sleeve in hand in glove in love.
If you did not absolutely shit yourself when you heard It's Hard to Walk Tall When You're Small, you are officially no longer a small person. Jesus FUCKING christ, it's better than any of the new songs I heard live at the shows. I almost crashed my car on the way back. I literally orgasmed backwards. I felt a body, knew it was mine, was sure that right over there, by the Cat and Fiddle, but wait, but wait...
I got back from Coachella yesterday. Little bodies: I wormed myself through the tiniest gap imaginable between a heavily moored chain-link fence and immobile stage rigging to meet The Killers. Bigger fans tried, gave up instantly. My spine is bruised to shit, every part of me hurts, but I did it, said hello to those next on their way up, those who will just barely precede Belt. They stared, blinked. Who was this bald girl who introduced herself as Math and kept shouting you are NEXT and we are AFTER?
And I'd been considering it awhile, taking my pen name as my own. And it will be my birthday present to myself this year: legally changing my name to Math Tinder. Everyone says there are only certain times in life that you can change your name and have it stick (when you first go off to college, when you move to a new city, etc). There are only two things that will open Los Angeles to me: our waiting music, and accomplishing the impossible. My new life, and new name.
People who have known me as Laura will still call me Laura, sometimes/often/rarely/whatever. There are no worries if you still call me Laura, but you may now also call me Math.
Is this the best way to get in touch with you? Is a phone call or email better? From our conversations in Iowa I assume you must read these comments but I remain uncertain about the best ways to give information, ask questions.
It's you and I, little girls are we, little girls that Morrissey pulls onstage with one arm, little girls that fit where even little boys could not, and in the same week, out it comes: a song for us only that is even for everyone else too.
Contact me. I attack, from the back, because it's easy...
LOVE
math+
Laura! I'm going to email you right now. I talked to my mom; you should call her to set up what times you want to use the backyard studio. Anyway: more in the letter, including her phone number.
All my love,
Nathalie
How come my spammers are never this literate?
Posted by: Joel on May 5, 2004 06:35 PMI'd delete for the sake of deletion, begone advertisers of none I want, I'll come to you if I want your goods, otherwise....fuck off kind Sir's. ;)
Posted by: DivineMsCupie on May 5, 2004 10:43 PMYou should try MT Blacklist . . . I haven't had any comment spam in months since I've been using it.
Posted by: Charles on May 6, 2004 04:40 AMMost of these are random clusters of dictionary entries, but there was a news blip last year about one variety of spam that attempted to get past bayesian filters by using actual poetry, 19th-century stuff, taken from Project Gutenberg or somewhere similar.
Although feed enough of that to the bayesian filters and they'd probably recognize it, too, to the detriment of college freshmen e-mailing in their term papers...
Posted by: Prentiss Riddle on May 6, 2004 08:04 PMAh, I've been getting bombarded with spammers instructing me to "Be strong. Be a men." They'll be happy to know that I'm doing my best...
Posted by: sceefy on May 8, 2004 04:53 AM