oscars live, and wit on a five day delay

Bronzer can ruin, not enhance, the appearance of health. For example, it turned Charlize's head into a skull.

So far, Sarandon has the best cleavage. Johansson needs a girdle.

I don't think I'll be able to blog this if I play Gothamist's drinking game.

Renee's acceptance speech, as imagined by Fame Tracker :: Galaxy of Fame :: Special Speculative Edition :: What If They Win Their Academy Awards?:

"Hi, I'm Renée Zellweger. Thank you for awarding me the Best Supporting Actress Oscar for my work in Cold Mountain; it really means a lot to me. Not just because it's my first Oscar win after dozens of apparently un-predictive Golden Globes. No: winning for Cold Mountain is so special to me because Nicole Kidman didn't. You see, two years ago we were both nominated for Best Actress -- Nicole for Moulin Rouge!, a movie I'd unsuccessfully auditioned for. We both lost. The next year, we faced off again in the same category -- and this time, I was recognized for my own musical role. Nicole won. This year, getting bumped down to Supporting Actress was a bit of a bummer, until Nicole didn't get nominated at all! In any category! And after she gave all those patronizing interviews about how 'cute' I am! Hey, Nicole. The first time we were put together, I got an Oscar, and you got ignored. How cute am I now?"

No, Renee didn't say that. But she had the gall to thank Tom Cruise during her speech and the camera, instead of cutting to Cruise, found, and lingered on, Nicole's about-to-tic smile.

Girl Hacker, as usual, is tracking the contents of the Oscar gift bag. Included in the winning actors' bags: a consultation with a hair restoration surgeon, African safari, hands on dim sum instruction, and a 50th Anniversary Collector's Edition PEZ dispenser. The bags for the losers contain $32k of goodies, $20k more than the winners' bags. Go to GirlHacker for the details.

Liv is sexy in her glasses.
But taking them on and off for each song's introduction diminshes their charm, and inverts the usual relationship between glasses and vanity. Nowadays, hipster fashionistas slide them on for the camera.

What an amazing gig for Microsoft: taking over design of the interstitials.

Awards scorecard here.

So far, the best breasts of the night: Sarandon's milky bon bons, Curtis' mic-wedging monsters.

Oh, Uma, no, no, no, no, no. A glazed meringue, attacked by bohemian window drapes. (In the comments, Tyler Green writes, "Uma's dress = toilet paper." Tyler, you sure you didn't mean Renee's?)

Sofia lacks charisma in such a charismatic way, no?

Charlize won Best Actress. Zank you. She still has broad shoulders. Stuart's about to cry. Mom's crying. It's sweet, but I wanted the whale rider to win, and Brody to realize the pedophilic implications of his breath spray.

Do Jude Law and Bill Murray have the same hair line?

How did this Oscar ceremony differ from past years'? Slightly blander.

Posted by nchicha at February 29, 2004 07:04 PM