-reviews of Cold Mountain, My Architect, The Time Traveler's Wife.
-a discussion of my (manic-) depression, and the wish that I could fuck up my life with alcohol or drugs instead of mental illness.
-the two obvious groups books belong to.
-a list of people i hate. almost everyone. list is/was inspired by the personals on gawker.
-an apology for the recent state of my weblog, and some thoughts on the idea of "decline." (Depending on whether I'm feeling manic or depressed, this could be combined with the second possibility listed.)
-migraines. migraines.
-a response to this Guardian article that I haven't read yet.
-delusional artists with websites. (This could be combined with the third item on this list.)
-some sad articles about people being tricked into shock therapy. heh.
-some notes on quitting smoking. nicotine patch. lucid dreaming. sucking butts.
-or just random links. nobody with self-respect reads journal blogs.
or suggest a posting. It gets tiring only having myself to blame for the inanity of my blog.
update: This wasn't supposed to be a serious post and I feel guilty for my writing's inability to convey that. I thought, to what degree the post was negative or self-indulgent, it was also artificially, or self-consciously, cranky, exaggerating complaints and confessions until they lost their natural shape. I didn't anticipate my readers' responses, which have been either concerned or censorious. In the second category, this response (from this post's comments):
maybe you are just as boring as those sad second rate girls in their shabby sororities. Maybe you are not special, or particularly talented. How talented do you have to be to link other peoples stories and reviews.Hello, nice young man! I've a question: since I've been avoiding writing fiction for about three months now, and consequently am not doing any bad writing, why am I not much happier?maybe the depression stems from not being a very good writer and or person, yet desperately wanting to be "artistic" because you saw a movie or read an article about it in your youth.
There are real problems and real lives out there, quit boring us with your petty melodrama.
The concerned letters were less fun, but they somehow meant more to me, because I do often doubt the value of my weblog, and your encouragement helps me continue forward. But I don't want to bait concern with a post that reads more seriously than I intended. Here's short translations of the more autobiographical items in my list:
-a discussion of my (manic-) depression, and the wish that I could fuck up my life with alcohol or drugs instead of mental illness.
-I have no obvious excuse for the way I waste my time. There's no external signifier for my problems.
-a list of people i hate. almost everyone. list is/was inspired by the personals on gawker.
-The personal ads on Gawker have obnoxious text. Also, it's fun to use the word "hate."
-nobody with self-respect reads journal blogs.
-"Journal blogs" have a bad teeny-bopper reputation, and "blogs" are often already hard enough to justify.
It gets tiring only having myself to blame for the inanity of my blog.
Sometimes I have no idea what's interesting enough to post. Is this post's revision interesting enough?
Just keep doing what you're doing, Nathalie.
I love it.
lucid dreaming, manic depression, and the two groups of books sound particularly interesting. i also liked when you posted and rated what you were currently reading. would also love to read your thoughts on the whole MFA at Iowa thing, where you're headed with your writing, etc.
Posted by: maxima on January 8, 2004 03:06 PMThis entry seems very journal-blog to me.
Posted by: lopolis on January 8, 2004 03:22 PMYes, it is journal-bloggy. Oh well.
Posted by: Nathalie Chicha on January 8, 2004 04:11 PMi like journal-bloggy, and i thought i had self-respect...hhhhmmm.
Posted by: on January 8, 2004 06:04 PMInanity? What? There were some great links the other day, one of which I pilfered.
Posted by: Ed on January 8, 2004 06:06 PMY'know, it's quite easy to fuck up your life with all three: drugs, alcohol AND mental illness. Trust me I know.
Leaving out the substance abuse and substituting a good dose of artistic sensibility sounds like a pretty good balance to me.
but what do i know?
And ... uh. My blog is pretty damn journally, so I'm a'ight with that.
But yours inspires me.
Posted by: on January 8, 2004 07:25 PMok. about the journal thing: many of my favorite blogs are journal-ish. i've been thinking of starting a journal blog in addition to cup of chicha... but i have this mental image of all the boring, boring girls from my high school, the kind who had to be called "nice" because their blandness disqualified them from other adjectives, who joined lower-end sororities and wrote bad poetry (conventional, unintellectual soulfulness). . . those boring girls: I see them, very clearly, reading online journals by people more interesting/unconventional than they are and thinking how "similar" their lives are; they sip tea, laugh to themselves at good lines, and feel "connected" in a way they might write poems about.
Maybe the boring girls will be inspired to then start their own blogs, but, fortunately, they'll be on live-journal or some equivalent, and'll never see the light of day. .
So, that's the image. Very particular, I know.
Also: I think that people should, deep down, like themselves more than they like others, and real "fandom," especially of journals, betrays a too-great lack of ego. I'm 50% kidding with that one.
50% kidding, 25% serious, and 25% already in bed and wanting to finish writing this comment so I can go to sleep.
love,
n.
Oh, no, most sorority girls read fred durst's blog, or that blog by the girl with the big shoe collection and craaaazy dating experiences! I doubt they'd read yours--you can take that as a compliment.
Posted by: on January 9, 2004 10:39 AMnot normal sororities, but low end sororities. ones for girls who want to make friends without really feeling Greek.
Posted by: Nathalie Chicha on January 9, 2004 12:13 PMI concur with the seventh comment. Express more about yourself, or convey more about what you perceive in your environment. Craft shorter short stories and post them here.
Never mind whether it's journal-bloggy... and stifle the self-derision. Express what you will, will yourself to be.
-- a contentedly delusional artist
Posted by: Damon on January 9, 2004 03:55 PMRegarding #4, we should compare lists someday if we are not, at the moment, being tricked into #9.
Hee!
Posted by: Alejandra on January 9, 2004 08:48 PMWhat I really want to know is if you thought "Cold Mountain" was any good. I'm hearing mixed reviews. I want to see it, but then again...
Posted by: Ean on January 10, 2004 12:18 PMi can't help always hoping for a hint of your personal life--i'll think, i wonder how things are with her boyfriend? or, what will she do after graduation?
Posted by: on January 10, 2004 04:00 PMmaybe you are just as boring as those sad second rate girls in their shabby sororities. Maybe you are not special, or particularly talented. How talented do you have to be to link other peoples stories and reviews.
maybe the depression stems from not being a very good writer and or person, yet desperately wanting to be "artistic" because you saw a movie or read an article about it in your youth.
There are real problems and real lives out there, quit boring us with your petty melodrama.
Posted by: nabocuff on January 10, 2004 10:01 PMMan... that ain't cool. Or necessary. Or helpful. Please keep that trifling negativity to yourself (and I mean that in the most positive way).
Posted by: Damon on January 11, 2004 04:37 AMSometimes I have no idea what's interesting enough to post. Is this post's revision interesting enough?
I don't care whether what I post is interesting for other people or not. My blog is rather a depository of links and "notes to myself" for my dissertation on Sci-Fi, a book of essays about things digital and a novel. And hey, it seems a number of people like what I spontaneously post and visit me everyday, which makes the whole thing less stressing and kind of touching. Just relax and "be yourself," you're doing great.
Posted by: Ion on January 11, 2004 10:05 AMI apologize Damon, and to you Chicha. The vitriol was in response to the "boring, nice girls" remark above. Honestly, it struck such a sour note in me - "I'm depressed and bored, but at least I'm not one of those uninteresting, ugly, unpopular, girls I grew up with." I lashed out, and I shouldn't have. Forgive me.
Posted by: nabocuff on January 13, 2004 02:43 PMAt risk of annoying you with unsolicited advice -- my girlfriend has gotten a lot of protection from the depressive end of her bipolar disorder from taking flaxseed oil (15,000 mg a day) in addition to her prescribed drugs (lithium and zoloft). You can get it without a prescription (at GNC), and aside from physically digesting the pills there are no side effects. It is a relatively new treatment, and a lot of the information out there seems to understate the clinical dosage. I dunno if you are looking for help, but good luck and you have my sympathies.
Posted by: sam on January 14, 2004 07:18 PM