so low brow it looks like pubic hair

My ambition has fallen into a coma. On a good night, I curl up in my empty bathtub. On a bad night, I curl up in front of Average Joe and other reality dating spectacles.

Some thoughts on the new Joe. I'll begin with a thought penned by Oscar Wilde: "It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances."

the premise
For those who haven’t heard of the show, the premise is this: a 25 year old cheerleading babe signs up for a Bachelorette-type show, without knowing that the producers have replaced the usual muscled jocks with “average Joe”s. But these guys, despite what we’re told, aren’t average; most are hideous, and the ones that aren’t are obese or explicitly maladjusted.
The media likes to shove cameras into the faces of the rich, glamorous, and beautiful, but reality TV that follows around geeks might be more interesting. It shifts the reality genre from drama to comedy; like TV sitcom characters, these average Joes fumble, mumble, say the wrong thing to the girl of their dreams, and suffer obscure humiliations. (It remains to be seen whether these men, like their more telegenic sitcom counterparts, will rouse empathy along with laughter.)
Take, for example, the men’s first encounter with babe Melana. One by one, they step out of the bus, the fattest acne victims first, and each man has a couple moments to introduce himself. Some say their name three or four times with increasing desperation. Some, in the first two seconds, try to sell Melana on the idea that it was fate that brought them together, and “together” means married and definitely in bed. Some, after meeting her, walk into a door while her eyes follow and widen with dismay.
“These guys don't have the same internal censors as gorgeous guys,” host Kathy Griffin says in an online interview. “There will be moments where you'll be like ‘oh, no don't say that or don't do that.’ They are more uninhibited.”

Too Quotable
My favorite contestant is T.Q., a 21 year old PhD student (or, as he puts it: professor). He’s a type I usually only encounter in Italian cinema: the creepy intellectual who dehumanizes women by romanticizing them. In his online profile (linked to above), he writes, “I once wrote a 16-page thesis on ‘The Relative Sensitivity of Women's Ankles,’ oh, and did I mention that I covet Nancy O'Dell?” More on his love for Nancy O’Dell: “I would drink her bath water -- that woman is delicious.” (For those of you who don’t know Nancy, she’s the co-anchor of Access Hollywood and a very blah-blonde: a collection of the cheapest signifiers of hotness.) T.Q., at a get-together later in the episode, stares with scary intensity at Melana from afar and, in a voice-over, says something like, “I treat every woman like a snowflake. If you don’t recognize that she is unique and fragile, she will melt.” Meanwhile, as T.Q. generalizes about women’s uniqueness, Melana jokes and laughs with the men grouped around her; despite her disappointment in their looks, she’s friendly and graceful throughout the episode. She doesn’t seem that fragile.
When T.Q. finally gets time alone with Melana, his cheerleading snowflake, he crosses his arms, frowns, and asks, “Do you like broccoli?” Then, “How about peas?” She looks befuddled and he adds, “ I am not fascinated by green food.” Then why talk about green food? So that when Melana rejoins the others, he can look after her, knowing she now finds him a man of mystery.

Melana
The men, of course, love Melana. After meeting her, they exclaim to one another, “She’s so my type!” The ugly get to be shallow, and the pretty have to be deep. (“To whom much is given, much is expected and I remind myself everyday!” Melana writes online.) She remembers once having told the producers that she cares more about personality than looks, so now she needs to smile at the men with enough enthusiasm to ward off any accusation of hypocrisy. Poor girl. No one takes that personality-not-looks shit seriously—except the Joes who think she should.

random thoughts on the show’s website
Why are Melana’s online interviews so unpolished? The site’s editors leave in weird contradictions and improbable punctuation: “I do agree that dating can be challenging, but reality TV doesn't make it easier, (try opening your eyes from a good night kiss and camera 2 is six inches away)! We became extremely comfortable on camera, therefore it didn't hinder our abilities to have the time of our lives on our dates.”
And then this, again from Melana: “People would be surprised to know that I write incessantly and have since the 5th grade. My favorite piece: ‘Writing frees the mind of stirring emotion and settles on paper where thoughts can rest.’” The grammar there is so fucked.
Other web highlights:
Eric writes, “Something that people would be surprised about me is that even after 5 plus years of being broken up with my ex, I still think about her every day.”
Craig says, “I once used a male enhancement product for three months and saw no results.”
And from Adam: “I have written one hundred pages of a book that I began writing a year ago. It is a romantic comedy based mostly on my life.”

More romantic comedy ahead: Average Joes, The Sequel has already finished filming.

Posted by nchicha at November 5, 2003 04:32 AM