(While You Were Sleeping)I couldn’t fall asleep last night.
Until 5 am, I was awake with nausea — sickened by a cigarette, I think (even though the air outside felt cold and cleansing when I smoked it).
I tried to stay in bed, which is what my boyfriend recommends when I complain about insomnia. But the air inside still smelled of the pasta I burned over the weekend (instead of watching the pot, I was writing a post — cut short by the smoke alarm — about how I hate being so irresponsible).
And my thoughts, as I kept rotating my pillow, contracted nausea. Or, perhaps the nausea summoned thoughts to match it, thoughts that could sicken me even if I were feeling healthy.
At 5 am, though, my thoughts shifted to a sound coming from the study — a crunching, some rattling — the sound (I was sure of it) of a pretzel I forgot to pick up from the floor being eaten by a mouse or rat or possom. Why didn’t I pick up that pretzel? What’s wrong with me?
I stayed in bed, awake, until sunrise and, getting up, smoked another nauseating cigarette.
I read recently that it is not advisable to stay in bed for more than 20 or 30 minutes if you’re battling insomnia. A person will tend to focus on the fact that they’re not sleeping and bring that realization to life ad infinitum (or ad nauseum, in this case).
Posted by Nick at October 6, 2004 04:58 PM-Gosh, I hope that didn’t come across as callous and casual. As I know a sleepless head and roiling stomach probably don’t want to hear some maladroit offhanded remark. Sorry.
Posted by Nick at October 6, 2004 08:32 PMI’ve got lots of experience with insomnia, too. You might find this list helpful. When I actually pay attention to its suggestions, it works pretty well.
Posted by Kathryn at October 6, 2004 09:27 PMI was up until six in the morning: craving pasta, wishing I still smoked nauseating cigarettes, and trying to come up with a patentable definition of the short story.
Posted by Giustin at October 6, 2004 11:34 PMThere are two ways to slide easily through life; to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking. Alfred Korzybski (1879 - 1950)
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