Sometimes, reading what passes for “praise” on Rotten Tomatoes feels like listening to a desperate friend misinterpret another date — except that the latter elicits pity and the prior, just confusion. Despite the film site’s explanation of its Tomatometer ratings, I still can’t figure out why some films get assigned a tomato (“fresh”) and others, the Cingular logo (“rotten”). See if you can tell the difference between fresh and rotten reviews of three newly released films, Dodgeball, White Chicks and The Notebook (answers, beneath the fold):

1. “It’s an interesting and emotional movie, but a simple one.”

2. “There haven’t been so many shots of guys getting hit where-it-counts since the heyday of America’s Funniest Home Videos.”

3. “A crude comedy that aims low and hits its mark.”

4. “Manages to touch a chord, even if it’s a minor one.”

5. “It’s not a good movie by any means, but it’s well aware of that fact, and periodically takes advantage of it.”

6. “If you’re the sort who enjoys shedding [tears] in darkened theaters, your must-see summer movie has arrived.”

7. “If a festival of flatulence is your idea of fun, you’ll think you’ve died and gone to heaven.”

8. ”If you hold a perverse soft spot in your heart for straight-to-video underdog junk like Ski School, you’re going to love Dodgeball.”

9. “…half of it was funny.”

10. “White Chicks is a slapstick, silly, sometimes crude comedy with some jokes that leave you laughing, and others that fall very short of the mark.”

11. “ ”Not sure where the producers get off implying that this sports-movie satire is in any way true, but it’s so preposterous, few are likely to be confused.”

12. “Aims low — and happily hits its target.”

13. “Atypical in every sense of the word.”

14. “The movie doesn’t just pussyfoot around conventionality — it hits it square in the stomach and then leaps around shamelessly in a smug victory dance.”

15. “If not for some inspired moments of breathtaking beauty and heartfelt performances, it would just be one of those tired love stories that you quickly forget.”

(You can read more overtly snarky reviews by searching Rotten Tomatoes for films that scored < 10% and 0% on the Tomatometer.)

1. Fresh (The Notebook)
2. Fresh (Dodgeball)
3. Fresh (Dodgeball)
4. Fresh (The Notebook)
5. Fresh (Dodgeball)
6. Fresh (The Notebook)
7. Rotten (White Chicks)
8. Fresh (Dodgeball)
9. Rotten (White Chicks)
10. Rotten (White Chicks)
11. Fresh (Dodgeball)
12. Fresh (Dodgeball)
13. Rotten (White Chicks)
14. Fresh (Dodgeball)
15. Rotten (The Notebook)