some warnings and groundrulesSome bloggers can make their shitty lives sound funny — intellectually hygienic, semantically consumable. But some lives have a stench that words can’t hide; or, while some bloggers have words like quilted, ripply two-ply, others only have access to sad, ass-rashing, trice-recycled half-ply, which won’t do the mess no good.
For example, I started this list as a set of groundrules and warnings for people trying to get in touch with me. At first, I thought it could be witty. But, the more I wrote, the more it seemed just sad.
Groundrules and Warnings for People Trying to Get in Touch with Me
-People may wonder why I don’t call them back. This is because I don’t ever check my voice mail.
-People may wonder why I don’t write them back. This is because I try to spend as much time as possible asleep.
-People wonder why I don’t get in touch with friends and family. This is because I’m altruistically encouraging others not to rely on me.
-People wonder what I do all day. Again: sleeping.
-People wonder when I sleep. My sleeping schedule goes like this: 10 hours awake, and then 12 hours not. If I have an appointment or lunch-date, I will alter my schedule to sleep through it.
-People wonder if I miss them. I see everyone I care about nightly in my dreams, and we have long, good conversations.
After that last item, which is true, I couldn’t continue.
Okay, so you are not a math person. Are the missing two hours walking in the long underground tunnels Iowa sets up?
Btw, I too choose sleep over all others. I will even cop to having just woken up — and I am have a job!
Q.E.D. with that “I am have a job” there.
Posted by Old Hag at February 3, 2004 12:55 PMNo, I dig math. But my body isn’t bio-logical; it prefers variety to health, and wakes up at different times each morning (or noon or night, etc.).
Posted by Nathalie Chicha at February 3, 2004 01:11 PMYou can have some of my punctual wakefulness, if you’d like. I haven’t had a paying job in 387 days, but I still bounce out of bed at 6:43am. It’s starting to piss me off.
Posted by Jessica at February 3, 2004 02:29 PMfuck school, fuck my job, I want to sleep all day too dammit!!!!
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